An exploration of self-judgement 

We are far too harsh on ourselves. We judge ourselves in ways that we would never judge another.

We all face moments of self-consciousness, self-doubt and self-judgment in our day-to-day life. But if you put them all together, you realise just how ridiculously cruel you can be to yourself over the smallest things, and clearly a little self-belief can go a long way.

I’ll tell myself today that I’m strong:

Flawless, a girl on fire, a phenomenal woman.

No need to repeat it just go go go

but on the train that man glares,

he must think I’m ugly

and the lady in orange must hate my blue jacket

or else she wouldn’t gaze at me with that hazy unimpressed stare.

At work they tell me how to improve

and it’s not an appraisal it’s an attack on me,

I’m clearly stupid and I don’t deserve this job

but then what else could I do?

I’ve got no skills that anyone needs

I’m a fraud, I’m a loser

so I go to lunch on my own

and that means I have no friends, no one who really likes me

and my company is worth so little

that even I don’t like being in it.

The wind messes up my hair and even though it happens to us all

I look in the toilet mirror and think

how hideous I am

and this new lipstick I got isn’t sexy at all

and this stupid top makes my breasts look small.

The rest of the day is quiet

because I’ve had too many let downs already to be positive

or chatty

but I know if I don’t chat they’ll all think

I’m antisocial so I go along for a drink

anyway, and to everything I say

my colleagues just chuckle politely

which means I must be so boring they just can’t tell me the truth.

So I go home early and I’ve got no plans tonight because I’m a loner, a freak, and I don’t text anyone cause they wouldn’t reply anyway.

At home I can relax, none of those judgers are here now. I feel more aflame than I have all day.

Yet now I’m alone I can sit and think

I would never call anyone else such names, and never consider such things.

So why is it, that when I want to have an amazing day, I’ll judge my every move, and punish my tiniest actions, till I shrink

so small that no one can know who I really am.

Beyoncé and Alicia can’t help me through this. It’s not enough just to sing.

I need to believe that I am:

Flawless, a girl on fire, a phenomenal woman.

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